The Week in (Re)View

Awesome TV Shows: In the shocking, two-hour season finale, which aired last night, Jack and the CounterJack finally reunited, and a shocking revelation was made about the fate of the CounterJack and the shocking effect this has on Jack. Shockingly, several beloved minor characters met their fate. We won't reveal who, but we won't say one of them wasn't Jin, either.



Above: Oh, Jin...sad pandas. You will be missed. :( Um, I mean...I didn't say anything.


According to early reports, everybody watched the finale, boding well for the Awesome TV Show's future. Here's to what I'm sure are 7 or 8 more 22-episode planned seasons!


Heroes: The finale also included a trailer for upcoming Hero movie "Batman Begins Returns", which, if you haven't seen the trailer yet...well, you have, so it's sort of ridiculous to even bring this up. But if you want to see it again, I've stealthy hidden a link to it somewhere in this paragraph! How cunning are you? As The Joker would say, "Riddle me this, Batman!"




The Bible: 80s teen-sensation turned 90s evolution nay-sayer Kirk Cameron has been making the media rounds lately! Cameron is a devoted fan of the popular fantasy novel "The Bible", and has lately been singing the praises of his weekly fan convention, "Church", all the while discrediting another high-profile organization of Sci-Fi fans, "Scientologists". Some of his remarks can be found in this article, which probably will not anger, annoy, or frustrate you in any way!




Cameron, who starred in and produced the successful adventure-SciFi franchise"Left Behind" movie adaptations, seems to think Scientology, which posits that mankind is actually a descendent of lost race from an ancient intergalactic federation and all their problems are the result of having been poisoned by ghost aliens, is a "false" religion, unlike his own, which posits that mankind was made out of clay by an all-powerful wizard and that all their problems are the result of taking the advice of a mean talking snake in a tree and eating an apple.

He has explained that much of his turn to "Christianity" had to do with many of the "immoral" plot lines of his former sitcom "Growing Pains". We assume he is referring to the episode where he almost but doesn't make out with his baby sister's babysitter, who he later goes on to date, or where Mike's friend Boner almost but doesn't use cocaine at a party, or perhaps the latter-day episodes where Mike becomes a teacher for inner-city students, one of whom is Leonardo DiCaprio.

Pretty racy stuff, Kirk.

Anyway, for more on why bananas prove evolution isn't real, follow the link.


Women: This is the moment they've (or, you've) all been waiting for! At long last, we're guessing based on the all the media coverage and that we've been hearing about it more lately than usual, that the "Sex in the City" movie is coming out this weekend, or maybe today, or perhaps a couple of days ago or some time next week-ish(?)!

At long last, we'll find out if Ron Livingston is that guy they keep calling "Mr. Big", or if it's that vaguely-ugly dude who seems kind of old...Chris something? North? Toth? Boothe? Or could it have been John Corbett. He was on that show, right? I miss "Northern Exposure"...


Wait no longer: After what feels like maybe a year since the show ended, we will finally find out what happened to Amanda, Sandra, Carolyn, and of course, Kerry!


Above: This is it, right? That's them? Because it seems like one is missing or something. Did her character die? Or, wait, does she die in the movie?

Heroes

OVERVIEW: Heroes! They live in shadows, perched on the rooftops, guarding the night like the gods of old! They seek not reward, nor fame, nor glory...they seek only to protect, to bring justice, and occasionally to find treasure, overcome personal inadequacies, or bury psychological demons associated with childhood trauma. With the new, out-of-nowhere Hollywood blockbusters "Iron Man" and "Indiana Jones and The Alien Skull-Thing of Doom", Heroes* really seem to have captured the minds (and wallets!) of the American public. What's that up in the sky? It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a market trend!

*but not the NBC show "Heroes", which has by now been largely forgotten

Go to your local Megaplex these days and you're not likely to find too many Rom-Coms*, Period Dramas, or Indie-Docudramas.

*industry speak for "Julia Roberts/Kate Hudon movies"

No, Hollywood has taken a bold step forward. Capitalizing on the general popularity of Heroes in the wake of 9/11*, the major movie studios have gone Hero-crazy. No fewer than all movies slated for release this summer feature some sort of Hero, whether they be the Super variety ("Iron Man", "Batman Begins Returns", "The Incredible Hulk", "Hancock"), the Anti variety("The Incredible Hulk", "Hancock", "Wanted"), Hometown ("The Happening", "The Promotion"), Unlikely ("Kung Fu Panda", "Don't Mess with the Zohan", "Get Smart", "WALL*E"), Post-Feminist ("Sex and the City", "Kitt Kittredge: An American Girl", "He's Just Not That Into You"), Tortured ("The X-Files"), Archeologists, or Brendan Fraser ("Journey to the Center of the Earth", "The Mummy 3").

*NOTE: the sorts of Heroes associated with 9/11 don't actually have movies made about them. Or, well, sometimes they do, but they're directed by Oliver Stone and sort of suck.

Other types of Hero not featured in movies include Guitar and War. The former tends to exist mostly within the confines of the imaginary relationship between socially awkward twenty-somethings and their Playstation 3, while the latter tends to run for President.

Above: Not coming to a theater near you.


Above: The budget of "Iron Man" skyrocketed when its highly-disciplined star Robert Downey Jr. unneccesarily insisted that effects artists render a CGI version of him inside the CGI "Iron Man" suit as it would help his "process"...

Of course, "Iron Man" was an enormous gamble on behalf of its investors, who had to ask themselves a serious question: Can a well-scripted, perfectly-cast special effects driven vehicle with an enormous budget based upon a beloved comic book franchise make a dent in the summer box office?

True, it seemed like a bold move, but a quick look at the graph below would have set the minds of these investors at ease. As you can see, while public awareness of how awesome "Iron Man" is has grown, especially since the release of the "Iron Man" trailer, the actual level of awesomeness of "Iron Man" has remained relatively consistent since his debut in March of 1969, in Marvel Comics' Tales of Suspense #39.






With the remarkable and unexpected success of "Iron Man", Hollywood quickly rolled out an extensive line up of other Hero-based movies.


Above: About 8.6 gagillion dollars in box office receipts.

Heroes are pretty much always great. Whether they have capes, whips, cool hats, or are played by Robert Downey Jr., there is so much to recommend that we'd like to state, right now, that we are almost wholly endorsing the Hero trend. Having said that, as always there are precautions the consumer must take before pursuing Heroes.

The wide variety of Heroes may make them difficult for the consumer to identify. Here we have included some tips to help you be sure you've found a hero:

-He's* gotta be strong
-He's* gotta be fast
-He's* gotta be fresh from the fight
-He's* gotta be sure
-And it's gotta be soon
-And he's* gotta be larger than life
-Larger than life

*in some cases, this could also be "She's"

In rare cases, the consumer may so identify with his or her favorite Heroes that he or she may come to believe that he or she is, in fact, a Hero him or herself.

If you feel that there is any possiblity you fall into this category, experts advise you to remember that there's a hero, if you look inside your heart, you don't have to be afraid of what you are. There's an answer if you reach into your soul, and the sorrow that you know will melt away. And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on. And you cast your fears aside. And you know you can survive. So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong. And you'll finally see the truth; that a hero lies in you. It's a long road when you face the world alone. No one reaches out a hand for you to hold. You can find love if you search within yourself. And the emptiness you felt will disappear. Lord knows dreams are hard to follow. But don't let anyone tear them away. Just hold on. There will be tomorrow, and in time you'll find the way.



Above: Spider-Man.
...
...
I mean, no real reason or anything. I just think Spider-Man is awesome.

Consumers should also be aware of two possible hazards. One, the Fallen Hero, and two, the not-the-same-kind-of-Hero-we're talking about.

Fallen Heroes can be especially hard to spot (see fig. 985.B), especially since they often seem, at a young age, to (1) possess super-human abilities and intuition. As they get older, they still seem kind of heroic, but it's important to look for signs that they may fall from grace. These signs include (2) arrogance, whininess, disobedience, awkward speech patterns, and a general sense of douche-bagginess. If your hero starts displaying more severe signs, such as (3) getting dangerously close to a Dark Lord of the Sith, murdering one or more of his peers/elders, or having eyes that turn red, suggestive of the all-consuming anger, fear, and hatred that burns within, it may be time to give up on your hero before he or she becomes (4) a barely-human, power-hungry, walking machination shadow-of-the-good-man-he-once-was-who-is-no-more totalitarian agent of evil, bent on controlling the galaxy and haphazardly, passively killing off his own allies simply because they make a mistake and he is displeased.


It should be noted, however, that the Force works in mysterious ways and your hero may rise again to save his child and, as his last act of humanity, destroy the embodiment of evil, tragically killing himself in the process, but freeing his Jedi-spirit to dwell eternally with Force.




Fig. 985.B


By now, we trust you are well-versed enough in Herodom that you would be able to identify which one, among the items below, is the kind of hero we're talking about.


Above: It's "C". You got that, right? (Notice the cape)

RATING: ***1/2 (out of 4)

BOTTOM LINE: I, I can remember standing by the wall. And the guns shot above our heads, and we kissed as though nothing would fall. And the shame was on the other side. Oh, we can beat them forever and ever. Then we can be Heroes, just for one day.

Cook Wins! M(R)V Vindicated! Special Finale (Re)View by Lilit Marcus!! Exclamation Points!!!

As we recently predicted, David Archuleta, who is totally awful in every way, lost American Idol Season 7 last night to the incredible David Cook, who is just totally freakin' retardedly great.

Above: At left, the loser and his freak hand. At right, DAVID COOK!

Further evidence that M(R)V is the most significant and influential publication in the world? Perhaps.

But you could only make that argument if you consider the fact that over 9 billion viewers* tuned in last night and David Cook won by the widest margin in history, just days after our report. So let's not jump to conclusions.

*ish

The esteemed Lilit Marcus of Save the Assistants turned in this review of the spectacular finale!:

I had this feeling cook was going to win as soon as simon said he rewatched the tapes and realized he didn't give cook enough credit. You also have to see Cook performing with ZZ Top. I hate ZZ Top too, but David Cook can make pretty much anything good.

And Brooke did a duet with Graham Nash which was AWESOME!

And Castro did a full length "Hallelujah"!

But that goddamn Coldplay commercial was on like 50 times yesterday.

And Paula's tits kept almost falling out

Anyway, like half of last night was worth watching.

Archuleta's duet was beyond annoying.

There were some great moments, some annoying sponsor-related moments (an interminable ad for "The Love Guru," both Davids reenacting the same "Guitar Hero" commercial), and some major WTF? moments (George Michael's performance, whatever the heck Carrie Underwood was wearing).

Oh, also, [2007 winner] Jordin [Sparks] wore this HORRIBLE gold dress that looked like it was made of foil! She's not offensively bad like taylor.

Oh, they are both very not awesome. (More like "Under-WOULDN'T!!!" Snap! -Ed.)

David Cook's well-deserved victory... (Wait! Hold on! Let's see more of that! -Ed.)

Above: Nice.

...was a bittersweet one. Instead of wearing the orange band around his wrist, it was tied around his hand, causing many to speculate that Adam's (Adam is David Cook's dying brother. -Ed.) condition had turned more serious. [Had] David Archuleta [the ablitity to express emotion, he would have] seemed genuinely thrilled for his friend and competitor, and gathered the other finalists on stage with him to cheer David Cook [who is AWESOME] on. In my opinion, this year's finale--in spite of George Michael--is the best one since Kelly Clarkson's original victory. Sometimes people argue over whether the winner should be the best singer or the best person.

This year, we got both. -L.M.

Archuleta

Overview: David Archuleta is totally lame. So why is he a finalist on American Idol, and what are his chances of winning? M(R)V previews tonight's exciting David v. David showdown, and explores the Archuleta phenomenon.

David Archuleta is the talented 17-year-old co-finalist from the current season of American Idol. Born in Florida - in freakin' 1990, right around the time that "U Can't Touch This" came out and thus obviously not old enough to be doing anything -and bred (I won't say "raised" because he's 17 and thus still pretty much an infant who should never have gone on Idol in the first place) in Utah (See if you can guess why! Go ahead. Utah? Guess! Anything?), David Archuleta is a souless cretin and former Star Search winner.



Above: Uh...yeah. Nice scarf. And why do I feel so cold and empty when I see your eyes? That's creepy.

Archuleta's fanbase is mostly among tweens, who usually look something like this:


Above: LOL TWEENS

Tweens have also endorsed and made famous the following things:

-The Olson Twins

-"Bratz" Dolls

-Aaron Carter

-Nick Carter

-"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody"

-Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus

-"Small Wonder"*

-And much, much, much, much more

*Probably

It is worth noting that many of the items listed above are not suitable for, or directed at, a consumer base of fully-functioning, self-aware adults who care about anything and wish to be happy and not creeped out, and who often have taste in things.

Above: Ugh...is it possible he was actually creepier and more annoying when he was little(er...than he his now)?

However, America is structured in such a way that we all must listen to what the tweens say and want (like Evangelical Christians) even when the majority of Americans think what they want is annoying. Tweens are known to throw tantrums when they don't get their way. Such tantrums may occur when...


Above: Sorry to interupt, but look at this! The hand thing. What is that? Always with the hand...AND OPEN YOUR EYES, Archuleta!!! Jesus.

...the tween is not allowed to go to Michelle Robinson's party, the tween cannot have Miley Cyrus tickets for her birthday, the tween will not be going to school dressed like *that*, and when David Archuleta doesn't win American Idol.

Which will happen.

Him not winning, I mean.

Above: Look! LOOK! I'm not making this up! Even at the freakin' AUDITION (bottom right). Even when he's not even "singing" (bottom center)...ALWAYS THE HAND. PUT YOUR HAND DOWN, Archuleta...It's creepy! There's a lot more of these...

Ugh...



Above: Ugh...

What else? Umm...oh, right.
Archuleta became a favorite among the judges when he sang that John Lennon song about fascism, Imagine, which I've always hated anyway. But he was just sooOOOoooOOooOOOoo good, and totally blew the judges away (dawg). And apparently he's going to do the same song tonight (remember? Because it was sooOOOoooOOooOOOoo good?) Maybe this time Simon Cowell won't be high and maybe then he'll realize Archuleta blows and is creepy.



Above: I. Am. Obviously. Dead. In. Side.

God I hate you, Archuleta.

RATING: negative********************************* times a million bajillion zillion (out of 4)

BOTTOM LINE: Two pieces of good news.

One: Archuleta will come in second, and so did Clay Aiken and we never heard from him again!*

TWO: I got twelve words for you, Archuleta! David. Cook. Is. Singing. "I. Still. Haven't. Found. What. I'm. Looking. For." Oh, are you scared? Are you SCARED, Archuleta?? "Imagine" suddenly not sounding like such an awesome choice next to the double-awesomeness of Bono plus David Cook equals YOU LOSE???? EAT IT!

*F#%K!

Above: Goddamn right.

(Your)Views - Letters to the Editor

At M(R)V, we do what we do for the benefit of our readers. So it's always rewarding, gratifying, and -most importantly- helpful for us to hear what you have to say about the important work we're doing.

Every month, the M(R)V mail room is flooded with letters from readers, and our e-mail inbox is metaphorically flooded with e-letters.

We can't address all of them in print, but rest assured they are all read and deeply considered. Here is a sampling of some of the feedback we've recieved in the last 30 days:

NOTE: Portions of the above letter have been redacted for reasons of national security.

Dear Jeff,

Thank you for that feedback! We only have one thing to say: If "cases of professional journalism" and "instances of accuracy" constitute "errors" in this day and age, we mourn the state of journalism!! But we get what you're trying to say, and we appreciate the nod.

-Ed.

This next letter was presumably intended as response to our review of Cats

Dear Ashley,

We would first like to state, in our defense, that at no point in our review did we specifically single out your cat, Perkins, and as such clearly made no judgements one way or the other as to whether Perkins was or was not friendly.

At M(R)V we try to take a balanced, non-biased approach to our work, and we are aware that the conclusion we utlimately reach may not be iron-clad and without exception. Rather, they are meant as a kind of "litmus test" for the overall use, effectiveness, and appeal of a product, as in the case of Cats which are, by and large, useless, obnoxious, stupid, loud, lazy hell-spawn. That you find "Perkins" to be "friendly" just proves that there is a vast array of taste among the wider consumer pool, and that much of that taste may be misguided or rooted in delusion and/or insanity, as we assume may or may not be the case with you.

We appreciate your input.

-Ed.

This next letter is in response to our piece about Baseball. It came via e-mail from reader hksteinbrenner@yankees.com

Dear My(Re)Views-

Don't make any mistake about it: Our team in the late 90s beat everybody, and we beat everybody because we were that much better than everybody. And they had just as many players doing stuff - all the teams. I guarantee you go through every team in baseball, and they all have the same basic percentage of players doing stuff. They just weren't as good as us. You think the Red Sox didn't have players doing stuff back then? Give me a break. They just weren't as good as us, and neither was anybody else.

You've got to win. Otherwise, there's no reason being in it.

We want to win; it's that simple. We're both kind of struggling. We just need to win. They just need to win. We just need to keep putting wins in the win column. We've got to start racking up some runs.

But as far as missing the playoffs - if we miss the playoffs by the end of this year, I don't know how patient I'll be. But it won't be against the players. It won't be a matter of that. It will be a matter of maybe certain people in the organization could have done something else.

I don't want anybody on my team that doesn't want to be a Yankee.


Dear hksteinbrenner,

Sure. Whatever.

-Ed.

Couter Points: Colbert - "You were right, M(R)V!"

"OMG, SPACE!" - The Colbert Report


You may recall a recent posting regarding noted political pundit Stephen Colbert's scathingly pro-Earth anti-Space rant, which, in light of our mostly pro-Space review published just days earlier, effectively drew a line in the sand between The Colbert Report and M(R)V. It was a war we never wanted to fight. We have great respect for the high journalistic standards set forth by Colbert.

Which is why we're not going to gloat too much over the revelation that Colbert is the classic flip-flopper. In less than a month, Colbert has gone from posterboy apologist for the out-of-touch pro-Earth elite to rabid Space fan as this clip from last Thursday's show proves. Not ones to be proud and boastful, we hate taking credit for such shifts in popular opinion*, but not even we can deny that this is clear evidence that M(R)V continues to prove itself to be the most important highly-specific special interest online-only consumer journal in the world.

You're welcome.

*but we're used to it

(Re)Views News: The Onion on TV/DVD Marriage

Following Around the same time of Immediately preceding but I totally thought of this before reading it so it doesn't count Simultaneous to our coverage of TV shows that play well on DVD, America's finest news source, The Onion, had the journalistic wisdom to run this story, covering one expert's analysis of the hot consumer trend.

Watching TV Shows On DVD The Way To Do It, Area Man Reports

It is gratifying to know that, while we stand out as the gold standard of consumer news and journalism, we are not alone in our tireless coverage, and prestigious outlets like The Onion join us in our crusade to put the "journal" back in "journalism".*

*Editor's not: Should I have said "report" back in "reporting"? Or "responsible" back in "responsible news coverage"?

Awesome TV Shows

Overview: Television stands on a long and proud tradition of producing Great TV Shows ("The X-Files", "The Sopranos", "The Wonder Years", "The Wire", and "M.A.S.H.", just to name a few). It has also yielded Totally Amazing TV Shows ("Buffy The Vampire Slayer", "Freaks and Geeks", "Firefly", "Doctor Who") and, yes, occasionally the Worst Ever All-Time TV Shows, shows so bad they drain all the light out of sunshine and leave the viewer in an icy, cold, empty purgatory with no lingering sense of hope, happiness, or will to go on ("Small Wonder"). Recent years, however, have witnessed the rise of Awesome TV Shows. What is an Awesome TV Show, and should you be on board?


Above: (From Left) Great; Totally Amazing; Kill Me



The Awesome TV Show is a relatively recent phenomenon. This is largely due to the increased popularity and availability of TV shows on DVD. Awesome TV Shows fit well into the DVD model for two reasons:

1) The Awesome TV Show is a pretty complicated and often presented in a sequential, serialized narrative. Missing even a single episode of the Awesome TV Show can leave viewers confused or angry. The DVD format assures the viewer will never miss an episode and that the series can be viewed at the viewer's leisure.

2) Awesome TV shows also tend to be pretty awesome, with lots of action sequences but also plenty of tension and character development, and so they stand up to repeat viewings. The DVD format allows viewers to re-watch the Awesome TV Show over and over



Above: A couple shopping at Best Buy, one of the most popular vendors of Awesome TV Show DVDs, purchase a DVD player, several box set collections of Awesome TV Shows, and a...Dance Pro...Wireless...which I'm sure is totally not at all as gay as it sounds...

The DVD format and Awesome TV Shows thus form a symbiotic relationship, wherein the popularity of the Awesome TV Show boosts sales of DVDs, and the ability to enjoy the Awesome TV Show without commercials over and over help ensure a future of new and perhaps Awesomer TV Shows, while increasing the likelihood of current Awesome TV Shows being renewed for more episodes and seasons.

But in order to fully appreciate and understand the popularity of Awesome TV Shows, it helps to know some of the actual substance of the premise and themes of these shows.

The central character of Awesome TV Shows is named Jack.


Above: Promotional art for a popular Awesome TV Show. At left-center (standing, in gray shirt and jeans) -Jack

And just who, exactly, is this "Jack"? Therein lies much of the appeal of the Awesome TV Show.

We know this much about Jack: he is capable, athletic, and often forced into impossible situations. As a natural leader (Jack's occupation is esteemed neurosurgeon/experienced federal agent/former elite member of a mysterious, powerful, highly-regarded, and now defunct organization called the "Time Agency"), Jack must take charge of a rag-tag group, thrown together sometimes out of pure happenstance and often at odds with one another due to personality conflicts. Nonetheless, the fact remains: they are all in this together.

Brooding and handsome, Jack's charm and appealing physical presence often works to his advantage.


Above: Jack uses his deep, old-soul eyes, oddly soothing grizzly baritone voice, and steady world-worn hands to a calming, tension-alleviating end.

In addition to his leadership skills and compelling, affable demeanor, Jack is smart. Very smart. But he wasn't born with all this knowledge. It has come from a lifetime (or what sometimes feels like 8 lifetimes...) of experience in the field. He's seen things you can't imagine and knows things you'd rather not.



Above: Jack analyzes the design layout of the homicidal and maniacal Cybermen, reflecting on their reign of terror and swearing, so help him God, that he will never let humanity suffer through that nightmare again. This is his crusade. His life's work. This is what he must do...

It is important to note how readily and eagerly Jack will spring into action. While he may not strike you as quite the definition of an action hero, if there is a hostile to be threatened, a bomb to be deactivated, or a door to be kicked, don't think Jack will give it so much as a second thought! Oh, and you should know that, when it comes to protecting the people he loves, Jack has a gun, and he is not. afraid. to use it.

Above: Jack swears to God he wishes he never had to use this...

It is important, however, that I not leave you with the impression that Jack is so hardened, stony, and aggressive that he lacks a deep, sensitive, tortured soul. On the contrary: deep, sensitive, tortured soul is Jack's middle name!*


Above: Oh, Jack...

*"Deep, sensitive, tortured soul" isn't Jack's actual middle name

In fact, one of the things that makes Jack most compelling is his troubled and often enigmatic past, of which we begin to learn more and more as episodes of Awesome TV Shows begin to unfold. Is Jack an alchoholic? Has Jack struggled with a heroin addiction? Is Jack tormented by the heartbreaking circumstances leading to the demise of his marriage?

Above: It'll be okay, Jack.

Did Jack do something he deeply regrets during his childhood, that one afternoon on the Boeshane Penninsula back on his homeworld...something that eats at his soul to this very day?

Yes.

Above: Please do not cry, Jack. For if you cry, how am I to stay strong?

In other words, sure Jack is good at leading, shooting things, running, and being all dashing and sexy, but if you don't understand that there are many layers to Jack - layers that make him the man he is, the man you want on your side - then you've missed the point of Awesome TV Shows altogether.

To help illustrate this point, Jack is provided with a sort of CounterJack, if you will. A yin to Jack's yang. This character is a relatively minor player in the Awesome TV Show, but his relationship to Jack is crucial. The character often sees things differently than Jack does. His methods are not Jack's methods, and vice versa. But Jack shares both a friendship and a level of respect for the CounterJack that is unique and deeply significant. Even when these two characters are at odds, they remain deeply bonded. And even when they share very little screentime together, the dynamic between these two characters helps the audience more fully understand who they both are and brings out a side of Jack that feels essential and vulnerable. This character is called Tony Almeida/John Locke/The Doctor.

There are other elements too, of course. Awesome TV Shows feature wide casts of supporting characters and storylines that deal with the trials and tribulations of all of these lesser characters. It can't just all be about Jack, explosions, running around, and maddening cliffhangers that make you wait a freakin' year til you find out what happens, although these are all important elements.

But every Awesome TV Show needs its Edgar/Charlie/Owen, because viewers have shown over and over again that they like to see the kind of loserish character that they all secretly love deep-down be killed off in an agonizing and tragic fashion.

Above: Not Penny's Boat!!! Awww, Charliiieeeeee...You were so brave. :( Godspeed, beloved hobbit.

And no Awesome TV Show would be complete without a prolonged, depressing, would-be romance with Audrey/Kate/Gwen, that seems like it was never really meant to work out.

It is with great relief, then, that I can report that all Awesome TV Shows have these very elements working for them without exception.

Are there downsides? A few, and they do need to be addressed. Awesome TV Shows often ask the viewer to trust that the people making the Awesome TV Show know what they're doing. Occasionally, this trust can be broken, as in Season 6/The first few episodes of Seasons 3 and 4 and or the whole "Nikki and Paolo" thing/The "Fight Club" Episode.*

*I mean, I know Noel Clarke wrote it, and that's awesome, but...sorry...it just didn't work for me...

Also, Jack can really just sometimes get to be kind of overbearing.

Yeah, I said it.

But these shortcomings are easy to overcome. The truth of the matter is that Awesome TV Shows are awesome. And until the day awesome starts meaning "not awesome"*, it's safe to say they are here to stay.

*like "sick"

RATING: **** (out of 4)

BOTTOM LINE: Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccckkkk!!!! (Kaboom!)

(Re)View (Pre)Views : America Ruins Great TV Shows

M(R)V is excited to announce its upcoming in-depth review: "Awesome TV Shows". In this review, we will be analyzing the recent and pervasive trend of television programs that are awesome. (SPOILER: In almost all cases, the main character of awesome TV shows is named Jack)


ABOVE: Jack, Jack, and Jack. Sweet.

But we couldn't help ourselves from breaking this actual new story.

One of the awesomest TV shows that you've never seen is called Life on Mars and takes the radical liberty of featuring a main character named "Sam".

Life on Mars is so ridiculously, knock-your-ass out-and-kick-you-in-the-shins-with-lasers- blazing-everywhere-and-a-freakin'-all-consuming-tsunami-of-magical-rain-drops-that-taste- like-happiness AWESOME it's not even funny. Here's a trailer for the show:



And, hey, wanna know something awesome*?!!!!

*by "awesome", i mean "soul-crushingly not awesome"

Have you ever seen that ABC series October Road? If your synapses are still firing and you have yet to gouge our your eyeballs, I'm going to assume you haven't (I will also base this assumption on the show's ratings).

Well, turns out the geniuses behind that show (or, sorry: the geniuses behind that show, Fastlane, and Kangaroo Jack) are going to run the ship on the wholly unnecessary American remake of Life on Mars.

American remakes aren't always bad and non-awesome. Case in point: The Office. The American version of the office, while different, is every bit as awesome as the British series. It's just that most American remakes are non-awesome. A couple of examples would include:

-Cracker

-Coupling

-Men Behaving Badly

-Viva Laughlin! (originally titled Blackpool)

-Queer as Folk

etc.

But Life on Mars is so perfect from beginning to end, we here can't bring ourselves to be exicted about turning the elegant, two-season arc of LoM into the inevitably dragged-out 8 seasons that the American version will run. We don't care that Colm Meaney is playing Gene Hunt, even though nobody else but Colm Meaney could even maybe possibly just barely be right for that role. And we don't care who Jason O'Mara is. All me know is that he's not John Simm and he sure as butterflies ain't Sam Tyler.

If we dare say so, this would be like an American remake of Doctor Who, but without David Tennant, and instead with The Doctor played by Ryan Reynolds. And The Doctor would have a drinking problem. And a failing marriage.

Meanwhile, speaking of David Tennant and awesomeness, we will leave you with this for now:

David Tennant

Adventures in Advertising: Holy Can't-Be-Coincidences, Batman!

UPDATE: Our crackerjack, highly-paid team of professional researchers has determined that the attached side-by-side trailer comparison is by no means fake and in no way the product of somebody with absolutely nothing better to do with his or her time. As with all content on this site, we stand by its authenticity and factitude.




The golden rule of product advertising is this: If it worked the first time, it will probably work the same way the second time, even if the second time is 19 years after the first time (NOTE: the original phrasing of the golden rule of product adverstising is probably far more eloquent).*

This may does explain why the trailer for this summer's Batman Begins 2: The Dark Knight, is nearly scene-for-scene, note-for-note, and cut-for-cut identical to the trailer to the 1989 film Batman: The One With The Horribly Miscast Jack Nicholson And The Weird Bruce Wayne-As-Self-Loathing-Jew Angle (Later changed, for marketing purposes, to Batman):





Stranger still, notice how both trailers are essentially identical to this one for the 1966 feature, Batman: The Movie!




*Also note that this is different from the regular golden rule, which was invented by Jesus