As we recently predicted, David Archuleta, who is totally awful in every way, lost American Idol Season 7 last night to the incredible David Cook, who is just totally freakin' retardedly great.
Above: At left, the loser and his freak hand. At right, DAVID COOK!
Further evidence that M(R)V is the most significant and influential publication in the world? Perhaps.
But you could only make that argument if you consider the fact that over 9 billion viewers* tuned in last night and David Cook won by the widest margin in history, just days after our report. So let's not jump to conclusions.
*ish
The esteemed Lilit Marcus of Save the Assistants turned in this review of the spectacular finale!:
I had this feeling cook was going to win as soon as simon said he rewatched the tapes and realized he didn't give cook enough credit. You also have to see Cook performing with ZZ Top. I hate ZZ Top too, but David Cook can make pretty much anything good.
And Brooke did a duet with Graham Nash which was AWESOME!
And Castro did a full length "Hallelujah"!
But that goddamn Coldplay commercial was on like 50 times yesterday.
And Paula's tits kept almost falling out
Anyway, like half of last night was worth watching.
Archuleta's duet was beyond annoying.
I had this feeling cook was going to win as soon as simon said he rewatched the tapes and realized he didn't give cook enough credit. You also have to see Cook performing with ZZ Top. I hate ZZ Top too, but David Cook can make pretty much anything good.
And Brooke did a duet with Graham Nash which was AWESOME!
And Castro did a full length "Hallelujah"!
But that goddamn Coldplay commercial was on like 50 times yesterday.
And Paula's tits kept almost falling out
Anyway, like half of last night was worth watching.
Archuleta's duet was beyond annoying.
There were some great moments, some annoying sponsor-related moments (an interminable ad for "The Love Guru," both Davids reenacting the same "Guitar Hero" commercial), and some major WTF? moments (George Michael's performance, whatever the heck Carrie Underwood was wearing).
Oh, also, [2007 winner] Jordin [Sparks] wore this HORRIBLE gold dress that looked like it was made of foil! She's not offensively bad like taylor.
Oh, they are both very not awesome. (More like "Under-WOULDN'T!!!" Snap! -Ed.)
David Cook's well-deserved victory... (Wait! Hold on! Let's see more of that! -Ed.)
Above: Nice.
...was a bittersweet one. Instead of wearing the orange band around his wrist, it was tied around his hand, causing many to speculate that Adam's (Adam is David Cook's dying brother. -Ed.) condition had turned more serious. [Had] David Archuleta [the ablitity to express emotion, he would have] seemed genuinely thrilled for his friend and competitor, and gathered the other finalists on stage with him to cheer David Cook [who is AWESOME] on. In my opinion, this year's finale--in spite of George Michael--is the best one since Kelly Clarkson's original victory. Sometimes people argue over whether the winner should be the best singer or the best person.
...was a bittersweet one. Instead of wearing the orange band around his wrist, it was tied around his hand, causing many to speculate that Adam's (Adam is David Cook's dying brother. -Ed.) condition had turned more serious. [Had] David Archuleta [the ablitity to express emotion, he would have] seemed genuinely thrilled for his friend and competitor, and gathered the other finalists on stage with him to cheer David Cook [who is AWESOME] on. In my opinion, this year's finale--in spite of George Michael--is the best one since Kelly Clarkson's original victory. Sometimes people argue over whether the winner should be the best singer or the best person.
This year, we got both. -L.M.
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