Above: Does this picture instantly make you start singing, "Love...I get so...LOST...suh-huuumtimes...These...EYES...and this emp-tee-ness fills myyy heart..." ? The answer is, "yes".
Early attempts to establish a successful John Cusack -from which other version would later emerge- were inconsistent and flawed at best. The under-stated "Sixteen Candles" John Cusack allowed for something of a blank slate. It was obvious to all who had caught sight of that John Cusack that there was "something there" that held a great deal of potential.
But the early John Cusacks kept going in the wrong the direction. Following "Sixteen Candles", the public was presented with such minor and mostly unsuccessful John Cusacks as 1985's "The Journey of Natty Gann" John Cusack, which attempted to emphasize the raw, nearly universal appeal of those doe eyes and disarming demeanor, but did so in such a way that it played down the guy-your-mom/best-friends-would-love aspect. "Natty Gann" John Cusack also attempted to infuse John Cusack with a kind of rugged masculinity, a failed effort that would be dropped until 1997's "Grosse Pointe Blank" John Cusack.
Above: Think of this as kind of the "Super Mario 2" of John Cusacks. I mean, it's GOOD, but...
1985 also saw such John Cusacks as the "Better Off Dead" John Cusack and the "The Sure Thing" John Cusack, and later, in 1986 the "One Crazy Summer" John Cusack was unveiled. In all, these John Cusacks played unevenly with the ideas of self-depricating hopelessness and quirky sex-appeal that would later be implemented in more successful John Cusacks.
For several years, attempts were made to give up on establishing a broad-appeal type of John Cusack, and John Cusack was largely relegated to use in off-beat, quirky, or otherwise non-John Cusack-type movies ("Tapeheads", "Eight Men Out", "Broadcast News").
The dream of perfecting John Cusack was all but abandoned until, in 1989, a brilliant young writer-director named Cameron Crowe employed John Cusack in his off-beat romance, "Say Anything". The response to this John Cusack was overwhelming, and analysts agreed that, simply by using such successful John Cusack elements as doe eyes, a disarming demeanor, and a sense of self-deprication and mixing in such subtle elements as a classical romantic vulnerability, a trenchcoat, Peter Gabriel songs, and memorable, idiosyncratic snippets of dialogue such as "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen", Crowe had all but perfected the John Cusack ideal.
"Say Anything" John Cusack would by no means be the last, but it certainly created a template on which all successful future John Cusacks would be based.
The elements that make for the best John Cusacks usually include:
- An almost preternaturally great taste in pop music
- A sense of self-deprication
- An aura of subtle, sometimes veiled nerdiness
- A hard-to-pinpoint -though not threating- edginess
- Those eyes...
- Joan Cusack
- A general preoccupation with heartbreak/hearthache
- Romantic vulnerability thinly masked by a trenchcoat/being a hitman/lots and lots of records
To date, the most popular John Cusacks are "Say Anything" John Cusack, the darker "Grosse Pointe Blank" John Cusack, and the "High Fidelity" John Cusack, all of which incorporate the above features. In fact, the nearly-revolutionaty nature of the "Grosse Pointe Blank" John Cusack was considered a bold and daring move, what with all the killing people, but worked by contuining to be faithful to established John Cusack norms.
Above: Don't be fooled by the gun! I mean, I know it looks bad, but he's still TOTALLY heartbroken. And, see? He's reading "Discover". Aww...see? He's a nerd!
But oddly, the popularity of these John Cusacks is in no way consistent with gender or age demographics.
For instance, "Say Anything" John Cusack could be just as popular among 16-year-old indie-rock girls as among 35-year-old male Wall Street douchebags. Likewise, this John Cusack may secretly be the favorite among 20-year-old straight male college students who are not as yet quite secure in their sexuality who thus pretend to prefer the more aggresive, edgy, and masculine "Grosse Pointe Blank" John Cusack. Additionally, the "Gross Pointe Blank" John Cusack may be the ideal among 25-year-old single women who like the simultaneous fact that John Cusack is the kind of guy her mom would love, while "Grosse Pointe Blank" John Cusack is the kind of guy her mom would hate (but actually secretly love, for real). Yet other 25-year-old women seem to favor the classic "Say Anything" John Cusack, largely those women who are already married, as this John Cusack presents them with a relatively realistic ideal of what actual men actually look like, thus helping to offset the dwindling attraction they feel to their once-attractive and now sort of average-at-best husbands, while simultaneously reminding them of the bold, sweeping romantic gestures they will never, ever be able to enjoy again.
It is best, then, to assume a case-by-case perspective when analyzing what sort of John Cusack is best suited for each individual.
Do not assume that age, gender, or even geographical origin will be reliable indications of a person's John Cusack preferences. As, for example, the woman who totally broke my heart totally hated the almost-univerally beloved "High Fidelity" John Cusack, (with whom I totally identify, largely due to his obsession with heartbreak, TOTAL obsession with pop music, self-deprication, seeming inability to commit to anyone or anything, and lack of awareness that he's actually sort of been an asshole to a lot of women in the past -except, of course, the ones who actually deserved it- and that's why his relationships keeping ending miserably) simply because his ex-girlfriend took him back even when he acted like a douche-bag, which, when I think about it now, really should have told me something at the time. And she's from Chicago, too! Where not only "High Fidelity" is freakin' SET, but where John Cusack is from. And where John Cusack is basically like the deified emperor for life among anyone worth knowing. But whatever.
Above: Basically, I do this a lot...
Anyway, the point is that the solid foundation of classic variations of John Cusack have allowed for a lot of creativity in expanding the John Cusack appeal. In the time since Cameron Crowe's breakthrough John Cusack, we have seen the sexually-awkward and off-putting "Being John Malkovich" John Cusack (which still miraculously maintained elements of the classic's seething romantic idealism, if in unorthodox ways), the unlikely action-star "Con Air" John Cusack, the non-John-Cusack-y though-still-romantic "Pushing Tin" John Cusack, the John-Cusack-brilliant-as-Nelson-Rockefeller in deeply underappreciated Tim Robbins-directed movies "Cradle Will Rock" John Cusack, and the similar in-an-actually-GOOD-latter-day-Woody Allen-movie "Bullets Over Broadway" John Cusack.
There are even watered down and more populist versions, like the not-especially-good but still thoroughly-winning and perfectly enjoyable and at-least-Jeremy-Piven-is-in-it "Serendipity" John Cusack. In many cases, these departures from John Cusack norms are often wisely anchored to traditional John Cusacks through the incorporation of Joan Cusack, thus narrowly averting any potential threat to the winning and successful John Cusack formula.
Above: Seriously. Great movie. Nelson Rockefeller. He's great. You should see it.
It is best to think of these lesser and more specific John Cusacks as gateway John Cusacks, designed to lure a wider and more diverse audience to the more sophisticated John Cusack orthdoxy.
What's important to remember, however, is that no matter how versatile and genuinely useful something like John Cusack is, the market will enivitably turn up such dissappointing and unworthy John Cusacks, such as the "America's Sweethearts" John Cusack and the "Martian Child" John Cusack, which should be avoided at all costs.
Above: Dude...I don't even know what to say. You're just awesome.
Rating: **** (out of four)
Bottom Line: Not even a million "Must Love Dogs" John Cusacks could ever tarnish the memory of Lloyd Dobler/Martin Blank/Rob Gordon/Lloyd Dobler again.
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